Roman Sims invade Sims UK:
'We came, we saw, we rule', reports centurion

The rest of the Sims world could only stand by and watch today as the implacable force of the Roman army marched on the British capital of Londinium, capturing the popular website The Sims UK and cementing its domination of the British Isles.

Londinium today

"Make no mistake" warned centurion Gluteus Maximus, "We rule. We are heartily sick of our own objects. Togas. Plinths. Pillars. Wicker chairs. From now on, we shall rejoice in the glory of our plunder!"

However, international affairs expert Noam Chomsky questioned the tactical wisdom of the invasion.

"This is a major error on the part of the Roman Sims" he said "They were expecting to find high-end consumer goods, electronics, furniture, you know, the good stuff."

"Anyone knows you don't get that kind of gear from The Sims UK."

"Where's the good stuff?"

Gluteus Maximus was reported to be "disappointed" with the small number of floor tiles and walls available at The Sims UK.

"By Pluto! Is this all? Where's the good stuff? We should never have left France" he declared

"At least they had good lingerie. And the food was better."

Sim 'loathes' his family friends

Ted Dexter: Living Hell

Ted Dexter, longtime resident of upmarket Neighbourhood Five, today revealed that he cannot stand his family friends, the Baxters.

"I absolutely loathe them" he confessed "They have made my life a living Hell."

Ted has no idea how he became a valued family friend to the Baxters. "One minute I was passing the time of day with Mrs Baxter" he recalled "Then she complimented me on my tie. The next minute I was being hugged to 100"

"Before I knew what was happening, I was their family friend. I can't tell you what a nightmare it has been."

"Every time I pick up the phone, it's Mr Baxter. He doesn't work, so I guess he's glad of the company. The trouble is, I have other things to attend to - eating, sleeping and bladder-management, to name a few. I simply don't have time to stand around and chat all day."

"They even showed up at my wedding, for God's sake. Not that I invited them; they just turned up. Try explaining that to the in-laws. I wouldn't mind so much but, just the day before, Mrs Baxter had proposed marriage to me. I didn't know where to look."

The Baxters: "He's only joking"

Joker

The Baxters responded "Ted is such a joker. He's our best friend, he really is. Wait until he hears about this! We were just about try out our new teleporter anyway. What a great guy!"

Excitement mounted this week at the prospect of another non-release from Bil "Blueprint" Simser.

Bil (34) raised expectations by posting a screenshot of something entirely unrelated to the much-anticipated Sims 3D modelling application 'Sims Scene Builder'.

Something else

"It looks fantastic" said a Sims webmaster today, "In my line of work, the ability to produce images of scientists threatened by extra-dimensional zombies is going to be a real boon."

"And the desert backdrop, well, that's just a bonus."

"It's the attention to detail in Bil's work that always impresses" continued another enthusiast:

"Just look at the way he's managed to paste the words 'Sims Scene Builder' onto the title bar: the rest of the program looks totally unchanged. The guy's a genius."

Bil (35) caused uproar earlier this year when he inadvertently installed an entire operating system on top of his cherished 'Blueprint' application, thus destroying it utterly.

Thousands of would-be object designers registered their disappointment by immediately bookmarking Bil's new webpage at Blueprint and hanging on for the next release, which will be coming really, really soon.

Sims webmasters today declared themselves broadly in favour of the proposed 'Napster' model of distribution.

"It's just perfect" enthused webmaster Dr F. "Under the present website-based distribution system, the creators get all the credit for their work. Under the proposed Napster arrangement, we get none. It's a no-brainer."

"Add to that the totally non-contentious legal position, and you've got yourself a killer idea, basically."

"I have to agree" continued Mr A.McN "At present, fans actually have to come to our websites to get our stuff. It's a hassle for them. Much better that they just steal our work and swap it amongst themselves."

"It's true" added vet-science student webmaster Ms J "It's a real effort to set up a website and post your creations every few days. I'd much rather let some anonymous creep peruse my hard drive and take whatever they fancied. I hate HTML anyway."

Only one dissenting voice expressed an opposing position.

"I have had 216,000 visitors to my site, so I know I'm doing something right", declared Ms J, anonymous webmaster of website Jennys Sims Stuff

Toilet and teapot

"With Napster I'd have no idea how popular my blue toilet was. Or my teapot."

Ms J continued "Right now I have a stinky cold, so I don't care - go away and don't come back."

More Napster news as it happens - only in The Sim