New This Week! The Ali G interview
This week: Will Wright

Boyakasha, readaz! Today Ali G is here wiv none other than Will Wright, a man wot 'as brought pleasure to millions around da world. And further. So please readaz, big it up - for Will Wright!

Oh...dat is right...you is not able to big it up on da web. Even so, read it an' increase da peace!

AG: So, Will Wright, wot first inspired you to write 'Da Simpsons'?

WW: Sorry? I didn't write 'The Simpsons'. That was Matt Groening.

AG: So who is you then?

WW: I is...I mean I am the creator of 'The Sims'.

AG: For real! So you is Bil Simser! Wicked!

WW: No, I'm Will Wright. Bil Simser wrote Blueprint. It's a different thing altogether.

AG: So you is sayin' that you is not Bil Simser?

WW: That's right. Did you actually have a question?

Will: "It's a pleasure to be here"

AG: Aye, me 'as. Could you tell the readaz first: wot is Da Sims?

WW. Yes. The Sims is a person simulator: like a dollhouse on your computer.

AG: So it is a game for da ladies then? Was you not worried that they is only, like, 30% of da population or sumfink?

WW: Well, it's not just for women. There's plenty in there for men too.

AG: Aye, me know. Me 'as seen da Sims Exposed website. It is well rude. Me Julie caught me on that da other night.

WW: That's not what I meant. That site is not an official Maxis site, anyway.

AG: Aye. So wot is you supposed to do wiv The Sims then? Cos I watched the show the other night an' all they did was stand around an' wet themselves?

WW: You're supposed to develop a life for each Sim. Like get a job, set up a household, make friends: that kind of thing.

AG: So wot is da highest score you 'ave got then? Cos me mate Dave, he sez he 'as the high score. But he couldn't show me cos' 'is Playstation was nicked.

WW: There isn't a scoring system. We don't produce a Playstation version of The Sims, either.

Sims on da Playstation: "Wicked!"

AG: For real? So why is you 'is makin' it for da Mac, when there is only, like, fifteen people using it?

WW: Well, the Mac actually has around 10% of computer sales worldwide...it's an important market to us.

AG: Wicked. So when is da Playstation version comin' out?

WW: It's not. We have no plans to develop for that platform.

AG: So Bil, if you woz to say one word to sum up The Sims, what would dat word be? An' you can't say "Wicked".

WW: Errr...I think 'Progress'...

AG: Wicked. So dere it is readaz: Bil Simser, thank you.

Ali G sez: Da Ali G interview will return, only in Da Sim!

A-maize-ing popcorn

Sims around the world this week were eggstatic as Starlight, of the Sims Tattoo Parlor, announced a new range of tasty Sim treats under the 'More Than A Mouthful Caterers' franchise.

Combining sensible, nutritious cooking with adventurous variations on old favourites, the new range promises to curry favour with all but the most fastidious of Sims.

Candied camera

Said Starlight: "We all know Sims who are just too busy for a full home-cooked meal. They're bored of pizza or salad. I'm not shellfish: I just thought this was the yeast we could do"

Seasoned veteran

With Sims almost certain to dessert their normal eating habits in favour of tempting treats like the Wotty Chocolate Cake and TobyKat Ice-Cream, Starlight also emphasised that she hoped to play a roll in raisin awareness of Sim nutrition problems.

"Hopefully, some of them will turnover a new leaf and start having a full breakfast for a change. Lettuce hope so, anyway"

Drawing a blanc

Future plans for the franchise include a range of snacks and take-out items themed around popular Sims websites.

Current plans include:

The 'Dr Omango' sandwich: Two slices of bread (you have to steal the filling)

The 'FreezE' special: Chilli

The 'SimDeco' Omlette: For this French-speaking site, one egg should be un oeuf

The 'Blueprint' sandwich: Two slices of bread (the filling gets lost)

The 'SimLane' special: Scone

"At the moment, we're having problems getting some of the new image colours to work with the TMog application" said Starlight

"But with a bit of luck, the results won't be too un-palette-able"

The Sim says: We know, we're sorry, and we won't do it again.

Paint Shop Pro demo expires:
Websites in crisis

A graphical crisis of nightmare proportions was unleashed on the Sims community last night, as demo versions of Paint Shop Pro 7 across the world finally expired.

Under the generous demo licence agreement from Jasc software, users have enjoyed 60 days of free access to the easy-to-use yet powerful graphics dynamo, some producing their finest work to date.

Now they face the stark reality of life with MS Paint.

A quick survey of recent updates on popular sites confirmed that image quality has been severely compromised, with even the larger sites falling victim to a short-sighted lack of investment in quality graphical software.

Before	After

"This is truly a disaster for me" said Ms A of The S*ms Fl*r*st "I'll carry on with the limited graphical tools available, but frankly, the results aren't promising"

A sentiment echoed by Ms H of popular website S+mFr++ks:

Before	After

"We're carrying on the best we can, but in the end it's the fans who suffer most" she said

"And without PSP's handy image optimizers, download times have shot through the roof"

Sim celebrity sites, with their dependence on photo-realistic images, have been particularly badly hit. Mr J, webmaster of S*mSt*rs told The Sim: "I was planning a Bruce Willis Retrospective, you know, from 'Moonlighting' to 'Unbreakable'.

Before	After

"The 'layers' function of Paint Shop Pro was invaluable for gradually moving all the hair from the top of his head down to his chin"

He continued "I actually own a copy of Adobe Photo 6.0, but sadly, as I lack a PhD, I am unable to access the useful features"

When The Sim informed Jasc of the impending catastrophe, a spokesperson responded:

"The first and most important thing is - do not panic! Remain calm. We're thinking of setting up a special hotline to counsel webmasters and freelance skin/object makers through this crisis. In addition, we would like to give away a free copy of Paint Shop Pro 7 (with Animation Shop 3 included free) to one lucky Sims reader. Remember, Jasc is with you!"

Help is at hand

The Sim says: It's true! One lucky winner will be sent the full Paint Shop Pro 7 application! Simply email The Editor with your email address. This will will not be used for any other purposes. The winner will be picked at random from all entries received by 31st December 2000, and notified by email.

Informed choices for parents

The Sims, officially the world's most popular simulation of everyday life, today came under attack from gaming experts and concerned parents groups. Leading the uproar was well-known Quake enthusiast and professional gamer, Dennis 'Thresh' Fong (22).

"I feel that the content of The Sims is totally unsuitable for young children" warned Thresh "I've played this game, and I've seen levels of non-aggression that are, frankly, worrying"

Dennis reported his "alarm", when, after several hours of play, he was unable to score a single frag.

"It was, like, totally ridiculous" he said "The best I could do was start a fight between two residents. The rest of the time it was harmonious social interaction"

"What kind of message is that to give our children?"

Fong was speaking at the Annual Convention of Parents Against Wussy Games (PAWG), a pressure group set up to raise awareness of the growing menace of non-kickass games in PC, Playstation and Dreamcast formats.

Conference coordinator Arial Tenpoint told The Sim: "We have to take a stand against this kind of indoctrination of our young. We're in danger of turning out a generation of well-adjusted, socially responsible adults"

"In the modern world, from sports to business, we need to concentrate on what's important - winning at any cost. These games merely encourage children to seek shared aspirational goals, and we won't stand for that"

And psychologists at Simsville University have backed up these claims, citing a recent Government-funded study. Children aged between 7 and 12 were exposed to one hour of The Sims game, then invited to attack a harmless blow-up 'Bobo' doll. The results were frightening:

"Basically, they said they'd rather just play tag" recalled A. Skinner, lead researcher.

You can't argue with science

Armed with these results, PAWG is lobbying hard for all Sims packaging to feature prominent "Parental Advisory" stickers, as featured above.

"The very least Maxis could do is give parents the ability to make an informed choice" said Tenpoint "If they don't mind exposing their children to social networking and prudent financial planning then fine: we wash our hands of them"

The Sim says: Parents! Make sure you make an informed choice this Christmas.